So you want to take a little vacation at your neighborhood correctional facility. Okay, whatever floats your boat. Maybe you’re an actor researching the role of frightened inmate number two for your big break. Maybe you’ve always wanted to reenact your favorite scenes from Oz, or maybe you’re just looking for a way to take your LiLo fandom to the next level. Whatever reasons you’ve got rolling around in that twisted mind of yours, you’re determined to get arrested and thrown in jail. You could try something obvious like glitter-bombing Paul Ryan during his next campaign speech, but depending on the audience, you could earn high-fives instead of an arrest.
Scoring a ticket to the big house is easy, but if you’re going to give it a go, you might as well commit a creative crime. It’ll give you something to talk about while getting your first hand-poked tattoo or spotting your new BFF on her bench presses. Correctional facilities are sorely lacking in pizazz these days, so if you’re determined to check in, take a cue from these outrageous arrests and bring the showmanship. After all, if your name’s going to make the papers, you might as well make it count.
Luckily for you, there are a million ways to get arrested. In fact, you need look no further than the headlines for some out-of-the-box ideas to put yourself behind bars. Need a little inspiration? You’ll find it in these five outrageous arrest stories.
Sure-Fire Ways To Get Arrested
1. Defend Your Turf
Is a group of rag-tag kids constantly lobbing toys over the fence and into your yard? Take a cue from “The Beast” from the classic movie “The Sandlot” and defend your turf. There’s no easier way to earn a free ticket to the slammer, as one Ohio citizen found out the hard way. Edna Jester, 89, was arrested after refusing to return a football to a group of boundary-defying hooligans. Police were called to settle the dispute, and when the woman refused to return the ball or sign a citation, police had no other choice but to cart her away. To get charged with petty theft, you don’t even have to leave your own backyard.
2. Become A Spandex-Clad Vigilante
Batman and Superman rarely get hassled by the fuzz, but don your own pair of custom tights and your childhood fantasy of fighting crime could land you behind bars. That’s what happened to Phoenix Jones, a costume-wearing civilian who was arrested for using pepper spray to break up a fight in downtown Seattle. But perhaps “Phoenix Criminal Attorney” would be a better name for the hero in this kind of story. You see, Jones was released and acquitted of all charges thanks to Seattle Criminal Attorney, who fights for justice in the Northwest. If you’re looking to score a free ride downtown and a speaking spot at next year’s Comic-Con in one swoop, this strategy could save the day.
3. Use Nature As A Weapon
This one’s pretty easy – in three steps, you’ll get arrested and end up in jail. First, consume more alcohol than the entire cast of Jersey Shore does on a Saturday night. Then pretend you’re training for the Hunger Games. Finally, wade into the ocean and throw wildlife at passers-by. Could this have been what was going on in the mind of Keith Edward Marriott on the night of his arrest? There’s probably a whole host of reasons why a grown man would decide to play Poseidon in the Gulf of Mexico and exact his watery revenge on beachcombers by chucking jellyfish at them from the deep. One thing’s for sure, though – if you’re looking to get arrested, hurling sea creatures at strangers is one way to do it.
4. Mess With Mama Grizzly
Want to spend your “time out” in a jail cell? Just call Mom’s bluff and see how she reacts. That’s what one boy did Christmas morning, and by afternoon he’d been charged with petty larceny. Why? Because he disobeyed his mother and opened his Christmas present early. He soon learned that getting a sneak peak at his Gameboy Advance wasn’t worth the price he had to pay. Some parents are willing to go the extra mile to drive home an important lesson. The next time one of your parents threatens to call the cops if you disobey them, do it and see what happens. Just see.
5. Take Your Own Mug Shot
Committing a crime is one thing, but how can you be sure you’ll get arrested? Easy – just photograph yourself in action and brag about your hijinks online. Two Australian bank robbers did just that when they uploaded photos of themselves holding stacks of stolen money and posing with their best duck faces. They made the job of the investigators even easier by wearing their workplace name tags during the robbery. Yes, you read that right. If you’re determined to get nabbed, leave a similar string of can’t-miss clues. Your local police force might just take it easy on you for handing them the easiest case of their careers.