There are many factors within the subject of companionship, factors only really discovered when once a person is willing to take the risk of getting into a relationship, to begin with. Without trying, there is no way of knowing whether something will succeed or not. On the other hand, experience and common understanding say, to open your heart is to inevitably expose yourself to heartbreak. Oftentimes, this is why people are disinclined to enter into a commitment at all, for the evidence surrounding them convinces them that there is no rational reason why they should contract themselves at all to a life of permanence, wherefrom there is no escape without a large degree of emotional bloodshed.
I cannot blame them. Can you? Forget just the common relationship bond which culture has named dating. I am speaking of the next step, that is, marriage. This is no doubt, one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make in this life. For, whom you align yourself with maritally will drastically reconfigure the rest of your life! The very word marriage may, to some, appear to mimic the sound that nails make when dragged across a chalkboard, for, their experience and background of the subject may, in fact, be what many would deem “a living hell”.
The Drastic Difference Between The Reception Of Love Within Men And Woman
Have you ever heard of or taken tests regarding the discovery of your love language? This is a widely explored subject, of which I have heard much on. If this is new territory for you, then suffice it to say that it is based on a book written in 1995, called “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” I have not read it for myself, though I understand that within the book, he states five main ways by which we as humans give and receive love. The ways explored in the book are, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
I have been told that the book states (and my own experience would confirm) that the way by which an individual gives love to another may be entirely different from how they receive it. For instance, Sally may love to give gifts to her friends or significant other, but the way by which she feels she is loved is by physical affection, intimate or otherwise just friendly. I believe it is actually imperative for one to know and understand the way their man or woman gives and receives love.
And I believe also, that this may, in fact, be the determining factor as to whether a relationship will work at all. For, if a woman feels affection most when being touched, yet her partner couldn’t care less for it, but instead would rather just tell her how much he loves her, there is going to be division.
Aside from the five different ways to show and give love, written in the book I mentioned, and on display in our everyday lives (common to both men and women alike), a deeper look into the matter will reveal something which is, perhaps, much less on the surface, and that is that the deepest need for a man—and no doubt, the primary way by which he feels love—is respect, knowing that he can be taken at his word and that his mate believes him to have the efficacy to see each and every issue to its end—that he is competent to lead.
If a woman does not respect her husband, and yield leadership to him, there will no doubt be an issue. A woman, on the other hand, naturally wants to know that she will be cared for. She wants to know that she is secure and protected. Without the security from her significant other (let’s say he is a flake, or neglects her), she may be prone to anxiety or doubt for her future.
Please understand that this is definitely a generalized approach to the difference between a man and woman, and the ways by which man and woman behave in a certain situation. for I have the understanding that everyone is different, and that in certain situations, the roles may be reversed, the man behaving more feminine, and the woman, more masculine.
Take heed to this though, when going into a relationship, for if you are a man or woman to whom these traits can be ascertained, then it is needful that you learn prior to marriage how you are to divvy responsibility between yourself and your partner to fulfill requirements. Don’t be afraid to be open about the things you want to see be done. This may be the means to your ultimate happiness. The lack of all such having been said may be the reason behind many a destroyed marriage; food for thought.
There Must Be Common Ground
Imagine, if you will, a man whose chief desire is to go to Africa to rescue sick and dying orphans for the rest of his life, and then imagine a woman who would rather go to college, get a degree, and retire at the age of sixty-five, with a pension and livelihood. Let’s say the two meet. They can talk for hours about anything, and both are attracted to the other. They get married, but soon discover the vast difference in lifestyles. She is terrified of the thought of the unknown, and won’t budge on the way she feels. Yet, he feels that his life’s calling is still to go overseas into an uncertain future. This becomes ground for contention, even though their personalities spark, and there is attraction romantically. Can it work? Yes. But it is going to take work.
Now, would you imagine instead a couple whose grounds for marriage was based solely on life goals and personality attraction? Will this work? Can a marriage survive if neither (or only one) is attracted to the other? Yes. But, again, it will take work. Disaster also is sure to come to a couple whose main goal is romance 24/7 and have nothing else in common. When the excitement is gone, there may be pitfalls and problems ahead of them.
This all to say, be sure to have common ground, there is no such thing as the perfect person. There really is not! Though be sure, you who are single, and looking to be married, that you find someone wherein you discover common ground in every single area. This will inevitably be your best option.
What To Do
It should be no surprise that many people’s marriages are awful. It should be expected. Please take into account what I have said today. And if you’re already married, and you find yourself in a place that you are not happy, know that there is still hope and that any problem can be solved. Please don’t give up, and remember that love is more an action than it is an emotion, for an emotion can come and go, but an action, with a little bit of will behind it, can work wonders.
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