Celebrities are kind of like older siblings. They seem to get away with things the rest of us can’t – including getting high. And when they do it, they do it big. In fact, thanks to science, we now know that at least 10 percent of the particulate matter constituting L.A. smog is traceable to Snoop Dogg’s mansion. Some scientists have even theorized that if Snoop Dogg quit smoking, L.A. would stop looking like a scene from Blade Runner and start looking like that picture on the front of the Hidden Valley salad dressing bottle. This is, of course, just a theory. I wonder if that has something to do with Hollywood’s apparent get out of jail free card.
Indeed, some celebrities are so high they never seem to come down. It’s like they live inside a grown-up version of the Willy Wonka factory where the Cristal is stirred by waterfall and blunts grow on trees. It’s a magical land where traffic laws are mere suggestions, where it’s always a good time to post a twitpic, and where those Doritos tacos from Taco Bell can be ordered any time of the day or night.
How do they do it, how do they get away with it, and who’s the highest of the high? It’s a tight race, but here are the 5 celebrities with the best views on stoner mountain. Check them out, but be warned – the air is thin at the top. So don’t try this at home kids — unless, of course, your dad is Snoop Dogg.
Hollywood’s Get Out Of Jail Free Card
1. Snoop Dogg
In traditional Old G style, Snoop Dogg doesn’t work against the law – he works within it. This is why he and his crew live in California, where prescribed weed is perfectly legal, and they have prescriptions for medical marijuana. This strategy could explain why the famous rapper seems to live behind a constant smokescreen. But it’s not a strategy that works everywhere – Snoop has been arrested and fined for possession in Texas and abroad.
2. Willie Nelson
Apparently Snoop and Willie don’t share intel as often as you’d think. How do we know? Because they both got caught with weed in their tour vans at the exact same Texas checkpoint. Just like Snoop, the singer got off with a fine and a few hundred dollars in court charges. Let’s be honest – the cop who busts Willie Nelson is kind of like the cop who jails Santa on Christmas Eve. No one wants to be that guy.
3. Courtney Love
Courtney Love is like a slow-motion train wreck dipped in glitter. Whether you’re fascinated, terrified, or a mixture of both, one thing’s for sure – it’s hard to look away. But whenever the singer gets into a scrape, she seems to get out of it pretty easily. How? By agreeing to go to rehab. It works for drugs, but it doesn’t work for defamation, a lesson Love learned the hard way when she was forced to pay $430,000 for a tweet that slandered her lawyer. So the next time you’re thinking of sharing your opinion of your San Diego criminal lawyer online, think twice.
4. Lindsay Lohan
Although she’s found time to star in more than one movie and pose for Playboy in the last few years, to say LiLo “got away” with her shenanigans isn’t quite fair. The actress has been in and out of criminal court for five years and has forced several rehab facilities and local jails to install revolving doors. She’s also put in 50 days of janitor duty at a morgue (gross) and has gone to nearly 20 therapy sessions. As of March 29th, her slate is clean. For now, anyway.
5. Paris Hilton
Her criminal history is similar to LiLo’s, though it’s safe to say that Paris Hilton has probably gotten away with far more than we’ll ever know. Paris knows court. She even spent over two weeks in jail and was sentenced to a year of probation and over 200 hours of community service for drug possession and related charges. Judges ruled that if she gets into trouble within the next year, she’ll be sentenced to a year of jail time. Any normal person would probably be rotting away in prison by now, but hey – it pays to be an heiress.
A wise man once said, “Don’t hate the player – hate the game.” That’s an important point to remember while reading about the “highest” celebs in Hollywood. Because while it might seem like the law favors the famous, celebs do have to deal with a lot of things – things that we just don’t. Hey, if you had to ignore tabloid photos of your own cellulite every time you went to the grocery store, or if your every failure and breakup became a trending topic on Twitter, you might need an occasional joint too.