For those close to me, you know that I am in a state of transition. My heart may be broken in two, but my spirit remains intact, thanks to the wonderful people who took the time to say a prayer and send love to me, my family and my fiancee’s family.
I know some people would say that I am crazy to be writing so soon in this most tragic time in my life. Well, we all have our own way of dealing with sorrow and heartbreaking events in our lives, and this is my way of coping. I feel that I need to get my life back in order, and not stop doing what I love most which is sharing and inspiring. I got an email today from someone very dear to me, and she said that happiness is a choice.
“Happiness is a choice. It’s not something that happens because of another person. We have the capacity to make things happen for ourselves that will make us happy. You blossomed even before Steve, and you have to remember that. You were in a place that allowed love to flow in. Go back to that. Companionship and having someone that will adore us is a blessing that we need to savor and remember, but never attach our self worth and happiness to. Love is fleeting, but love for self should be constant. You cannot expect to be loved if you do not love yourself first. You have to be whole first. The concept of completing each other still requires us to be whole ourselves and solid in our belief of who we are. Completing each other is a sense of balance we achieve with someone like Yin and Yang but by no means does it mean that those sides are not strong on their own.”
I am deeply moved by this statement. She says I can be mad and sad, but at one point, I should also get my strength back, and find my center.
Another person wrote to me and asked me if she could print my note on FaceBook. She wanted it to be a reminder for her and her family to “not take your love for each other for granted” to heart. She has a fear that despite the presence of love, trust, respect and a common goal toward a bright future, the plug can be pulled any time on a relationship that’s good, solid, and true. She did not want this fear to rule their lives though. She just wanted us to live with hope… Hope that things will work out well even if we’re thrown that unexpected curve ball in life. I hope that love and happiness will find its way to broken hearts once more. I hope that there is still hope.
I know that there are still times and will be times when I will just stare blankly at a wall or tears will suddenly come, but I know one day I will be okay. I choose to be happy because I know Steve would have wanted it that way too. Steve may not be physically with me now, but his memory will remain in my heart. I hope our story will somehow bring hope, strength and love to those who need it.