Is it time to call it quits? Do we stand a chance to make our marriage work? How will this affect our kids? What will my friends think of me? How am I supposed to start over? These are just some of the many questions that couples considering a divorce toss in bed about. Knowing when to get a divorce can be quite a tricky situation to pin down, owing to the weight and consequences of the experience. It even gets more difficult to know the right time to call it quits when you imagine the excruciatingly painful and emotionally wrenching process and its aftermath. But then again, some people are so scared of the thought to be able to tell when their marriage is going down the drain.
Marriages do not just jump overnight from “for better or for worse, till death do us part” to “drop dead, I do not care, we’re getting a divorce”. The foundation of many marriages chips away over time until there is nothing left to fight for. Have you been wondering if it’s time to walk away? Is your marriage worth the effort anymore? Are you unsure if it is just the normal hurdles of marriage? Well, unfortunately, there is no magic solution to your questions or even a straight up answer on whether it’s time to take the leap.
In this article, you’ll discover the common red flags, some of which you might have missed. Whether you need a divorce or you need to keep your marriage working, there are better days ahead. Freedom law we will help you work your way through the mire to make the right decision not only for yourself but also for the people who matter the most. In addition to guiding you, we will also walk with you on whatever decision you make and have your back all the way to the end.
1. Your Marriage Is Abusive
First things first: Nobody should ever tolerate abuse in their marriage with the justification of abuse. Abuse can either be physical or emotional. If your partner is abusive and hurts you or your children, find your nearest door out of that marriage. No matter how sorry your partner says they are after it has happened or how many times they promise to stop and change, some people never change! Is he or she wasting your life or your children’s?
Well, in most cases, you will not find a better time to file for divorce than when you find yourself in an abusive marriage. In addition to filling a divorce, it is important to seek help from agencies that deal with victims of domestic violence in your state. Do not be ashamed to seek help or support. If you wish to press charges, your abusive partner could be charged with domestic violence and punished for the same. Do not sacrifice your well-being by staying in an abusive marriage in the name of love and family because it will not matter whether you’re gone or stay and get hurt to the point of no recovery.
2. There Is No Trust Or Respect
A strong and stable marriage is based on love, trust, accountability, and mutual respect. With these factors, a couple can handle any difficulties that come their way. Remove trust and respect and the couple starts to drift away, love dies. Trust and respect do not die overnight; it takes time. It takes a few words that may seem insignificant, a few actions that get swept under the rug or even a few bitter and angry emotions that go unaddressed. With time where there was love before, it is replaced with mistrust, resentment and hurt. Once these evils find their way into a marriage, it is only a matter of time and what was once a happy union turns into two strangers who cannot stand to be in the same room let alone to remain married. If the trust and respect in your marriage are gone, it is time to take that hard step because there is no way you will find happiness.
3. Intimacy Has Become A Thing Of The Past
Don’t get it wrong; no one is suggesting that you should be all over each other going at it like honeymooners. It is not unusual for the chemistry to ebb, especially for couples who’ve been together for a while and responsibilities or family burdens increase. It is also understandable where couples go through periods of one partner not wanting to be intimate, especially the woman, for various reasons. However, if the lack of intimacy goes on for a while, you should get worried.
This could be a sign of deep-seated issues that require immediate attention. Once you note this problem, you should seek help from a professional or talk to your spouse if he or she is the cause of the problem. Otherwise ignoring such a matter only makes things worse. Sexual satisfaction is one of the core reasons why people get into a marriage. So if that purpose is not being served, what is the point in holding on any longer?
4. Infidelity The Deal Breaker
Most probably, you’ve already guessed this one. Infidelity is not a sign that needs you to think twice about. Sometimes, some couples may experience an incident or two of infidelity but mutually work things out. As a matter of fact, some relationships work even better than before for couples who really want their marriage to work. However, if you or your partner is a serial cheater, it’s highly likely that your marriage will not stand the test of time.
If a partner keeps straying, it is an indication of deeper issues in your marriage. If this is the situation in your marriage it is time to end it because staying in that marriage longer exposes yourself or your partner to things such as sexually transmitted diseases or HIV from the multiple partners. Consequently, if you’ve tried to work on infidelity issues in your marriage to no avail, it might be time to abandon ship instead of waiting for the inevitable to happen.
5. You’re In An Unhappy Marriage Because Of Your Children
Most couples that have children will stay in unhappy unions because of their children. They falsely believe that staying in such a marriage equals to doing good for their children, not realizing that it actually does more harm than good. Others hold on in fear of losing custody. Little do these couples realize that kids are smarter than we can imagine. In fact, they take note of all the tensions, fights, and unhappiness. Sometimes this affects them more than it does affect their parents.
Further, research suggests that when children grow, they emulate the relationships they experienced growing up. Therefore, you do not want your kids growing up thinking that the ideal marriage is full of fights and tensions or even making them resent the institution of marriage influenced by their experiences growing up. Simply put, think twice before staying in a toxic marriage because of your children.
6. You’ve Tried To Make It Work To No Avail – You Can’t Seem To Get It Right
Nobody likes to let go of their marriage and their family that they’ve put so much effort into without trying. Couples seek counseling, see therapists, try to change their personalities and give their very best just to get their marriages to work. Sometimes despite all this effort, things do not seem to work.
It could be either because one party is not fully committed or things are just too far gone. If you’ve been putting in the work for a long while but your partner isn’t, the truth might be a bitter pill to swallow. It can reach a point where you need to let go. You need to realize that it takes two to tangle and sometimes things just don’t go as you wish.
7. You Really Want To Be Alone
It is common knowledge that as people get older, their desires, thoughts, and priorities in life change as well. Some crave for the old carefree younger days. Others learn new things and realize that the no longer want to live and bound by decisions made in their day’s youth and wishful thinking. Yet some may even get comfortable with being by themselves and decide that marriage is no longer a priority.
Other people may also decide for various reasons that they do not want kids but for their spouses having kids is a deal breaker. In other cases, a person may want to be alone because their needs are not met in the marriage. Therefore, for whatever reason, you would like to be alone. The burning though, feeling, and urge to be alone can be a ginormous sign you need a divorce.
8. You’re Worried About What Your Friends Will Say
To some people divorce may be shunned upon by the society, embarrassing or even prohibited by religious beliefs. They will, therefore, hide in unhappy marriages or even move away from their families just to avoid being frowned upon by their friends and families. But then again, you owe yourself happiness. If you have done everything to save your marriage, but it did not work, a divorce could be all you need. This tends to be a matter of pride mixed with the fear of intimidation and the and perhaps certain limiting beliefs.
9. You Are In Marriage For The Wrong Reasons
In today’s world, a lot of people get into wedlock for the wrong reasons. Some think that getting into marriage will solve their emotional issues or feelings of unhappiness. Others enter into marriages to avoid loneliness or to have kids. Some will even get into marriages out of societal pressure maybe because they are beyond the “age of getting married.” With most people who want shortcuts in life and ways to get rich overnight, they will get married by rich partners in order to have comfortable lives.
Besides getting into marriage for the wrong reasons, others stay in the marriage for the same wrong reasons. They will not get divorced because they are afraid of the impact divorce will have on their children. Others are afraid of how their friends and families react or say about their divorce situation. Some will even stay in a marriage because their values make them believe staying in an unhappy union is the lesser evil than getting divorced.
Yet others will stay in a marriage because they think it is cheaper than going through the divorce process or paying for alimony and custody. If you are in a marriage for the wrong reasons or if you got into one for the wrong reasons as well do not wait longer because it will not solve your issues and it will not last either.
10. Your Gut Keeps On Pushing You
Your intuition is rarely wrong. If you feel that you’ve had enough and you don’t have the energy to try anymore it might be time to call it quits. You may notice a breakdown in communication with your partner, this can be a sign. If staying in your marriage repeatedly feels like a huge mistake or a big waste of time, it might be the high time you trusted that feeling.
There is no magic trick to know when you should get a divorce but if you do not bury your head in the sand, no matter how much you value your marriage, you will spot the red flags and try to get a divorce before things get too ugly. In the end, do not take make the decision on a whim, but rather take your time to be really certain that you really want to go down that road.
It is crucial to take the decision-making process seriously and even have the conversation with your spouse for a way forward because once you break your marriage, you cannot always put back the pieces together. And in case you’ve decided to really call it quits, you need to seek representation from a strong divorce attorney. This calls for working with a highly experienced legal firm such as freedom law if you happen to be filing your divorce in Canada.
If you are interested in even more lifestyle-related articles and information from us here at Bit Rebels then we have a lot to choose from.