Vader Says Obi-Wan Is Finally Dead, Body Buried In Space

According to the Galactic Empire Times (Hmm… that looks suspiciously like the New York Times, doesn’t it?), “Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of the some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan.”

Even though Darth Vader refuses to show us his body, or even pictures of it (Vader says it’s too gruesome), the news of Obi-Wan’s death resulted in people all over the Senate rejoicing and cheering. Obi-Wan, who has been using the name “Ben” for a while, was not found in remote wild space, but rather close to the Tatooine capital.

In the press conference, Lord Vader explained, “No Stormtroopers were seriously harmed. I defeated my former master and took custody of his body.” In following Jedi tradition, Obi-Wan’s body was buried in deep space within 24 hours. For those people who doubt Lord Vader’s intentions, remember, he disclosed his birth certificate recently. That answers a lot of questions, right?

Some people argue that he should have been brought before the Galactic Counsel instead of just being killed. Was the high code of our Galactic Empire compromised? Some say that The Rebel Alliance will now only grow stronger. The more you tighten your grip, the more star systems will slip through your fingers. I guess only time will tell how this all plays out. If you would like to read all the details about Obi-Wan’s death, click over to the Galactic Empire Times to read the complete story.