Perfect Definition of a Social Media Douchebag
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Well hello! How are you doing?! I’m the perfect definition of a social media douchebag, or so I thought. The following views are my opinions and observations and are no way associated to the fine people at Bit Rebels
And since I am a douchebag, I can spot one a mile away. I’m not trying to golden rain on anyone’s parade or anything, just feel a need to call out names when they need to be called
Ring, ring…
The beautiful thing about Twitter is it is unique for every single person that chooses the platform to spread their message. Now, what I have a problem with is how you use your new found popularity on Twitter to influence and guide people with your wisdom (or lack thereof). However, when the intention is purely for the sole sake of making money, or promoting yourself, the selflessness rides the pine so to speak. Like a 3rd string quarterback.
I came across and interesting tweet once upon a time:
The Golden Rule of Twitter, Life: “Tweet everybody the way U would like to b tweeted.” BLOCK ALL HATERS ON TWITTER.
Now the Golden Rule is fantastic! Karma is a wonderful beast that will either protect you or come back to make your life miserable. Karma and I are quite tight. We fought quite a bit when I was younger and now we get along famously. So famously that Karma gets me to step in once in a while
The issue I have is that the attached commentary after the Golden Rule is that of an obtuse and closed off nature. What this tells me is Twitter, which is a conversational platform where opinions clash and discussions ensue, is that that doesn’t enter this equation here. Aye, there’s the rub: The 3C’s* (Communication, Connection, Conversation). I don’t think the following image speaks to the need or intention to communicate, connect and converse, do you?!
So basically this statement pushes a message that if you don’t like what someone is saying… go ahead and block them. Pretend you’re a college football player and throw up the Heisman?! Does this not seem a little juvenile? I’m just saying.
I’ve taken the liberty to take some screenshots to help you understand what to stay away from as a Twitter user and/or marketer and/or The Golden Rule enthusiast

What Not To Wear
Let’s go over my definitions, shall we?!
Beggar: Are you serious? Is this the equivalent to the cardboard sign of a homeless person?! Unless you are in need of help, or promoting a non-profit or a cause that betters the world… don’t beg. It’s manipulative and plays upon the emotions of people. Of course people are smart enough to make their decisions, however, when it comes from a trusted source… well… I don’t have to tell you about Hitler now do I?! That was a trusted source to some and look what happened.
Repetitive: FREE?! FREE?! What’s free? Nothing is free. My time is worth a tremendous amount and you’re considering wasting my time?! That’s not free and is a cost I’m not willing to part with. And are you interacting with anyone here?! Really, are you?! Over and over and over again?! That’s called SPAM. Take your Golden Rule and shove it. It was cool the first 26 times. Make like Frogger and #goplayintraffic!
Desperate: Single guy?! That makes me laugh my ass off rolling on floor like a helicopter (LMAOROFLcopter). Not only is this an example of a self serving individual, now Twitter is a way to promote his struggle to find a partner?! Wonder why that’s been an issue?! #justsayin. Take a look at the video below and let me know what kind of “vibrations” you get when you watch. Is he reading the Times out loud? My only point here folks – does this compel trust?
After watching that I’m wondering if there will be a retaliation, or lawyers to come out from the caves from which they dwell?! Well, I would like to set my intentions quite clearly. I’m just speaking my truth. I don’t wish any harm or ill will. The star in the show above is I’m sure very good at what he does. He has a ton of testimonials from happy followers. And well, he does have 46K followers, must be doing some things right. So, I have to believe people are inherently good, however their behavior can be a little tough to digest. Behavior can be changed if we are made aware of it so that we may be able to accept it and change it. First part is the hardest but I digress.
Gaming: Well, what can I say. When I see a near 1:1 ratio (within a 10% margin on either side), it raises suspicions. I suspect them of scripting their followers, 3rd party applications that auto follow on key words and probably auto DM’s. Nothing wrong with that, if you want to strengthen the case of being a social media douchebag. It’s the “Golden” ratio. The best linear growth that anyone could ever want besides being on Twitter’s Suggested User List (SUL) or purchasing followers. These last options would exhibit a spike in growth of a beautifully sloped polynomial; minimum!
The words between the spaces read loud and clear, “I follow you, you follow me”. The natural reaction to having a person with 50k following you, you follow back. Whether it’s from politeness, whether it’s because maybe his follower count may reflect that you’re important too, I’m not sure… just give it a name. The rationalizations and justifications float around Twitter like mono, the kissing sickness, real easy to get if you’ve got loose morals.
Scheduled: Nothing wrong with scheduled tweeting, within reason. Heck, I do it. When I do it, I’m online and ready to respond to the reactions. I don’t do it while I sleep, what fun is that?! Sharing with people, who will in turn share back and then to just ignore that valuable energetic exchange. This is what I find very odd, according to TwitterCounter in the past 7 months there have been ~84,000 tweets. Seems like a lot, ya? Well, that’s roughly 11,000 tweets a month. Still a lot, right? How about an average of 398 tweets a day?! Ya, that’s what I thought.
WTF: I don’t know.. that’s why I say WTF?! Fireworks?! A Dragon?! An art form that was meant for the BBS systems I used to dial up on my 1200 baud modem attached to my Atari 1040ST?! However, @OzSultan brought it to my attention of someone that utilizes them with a better suited use, @LoriMoreno. She bedazzles all of her tweets with the most beautiful intention. And those poetic and artistic waterfalls of ascii heaven come tumbling down with love and light. Whenever you’re depressed, just read her stream for 15 minutes, you’ll be off with a skip in your step. This one, not a lot of love and completely void of goodness.
*The essential keys are the 3C’s as defined by @OzSultan:
Communication, Connection, Conversation
Initiate the communication which in turn brings the connection where you grow an affinity for the person and eventually creates the conversation. You know, like when you’re swapping stories at the campfire making smores?! Yes… now you have that warm, fuzzy feeling and a great story.
These are essential to creating a healthy relationship. That’s a concept called a ROR, Return on Relationship. There is no ROI, only ROR™ (yes, I did go and claim that one… don’t even try to rip it and bastardize it- I called dibbs! lol)
So in summary let me make you aware of a few things before you crucify me for being the douchebag that I am. I made several attempts to discuss this with the fellow in the mugshot above.
And the only communication I received back was the one of the most profound things I’ve seen to date!!
I know, right?! And it doesn’t take much to click on the “Show Conversation” to see exactly what I was referring to. Also another indicator of how lazy and uninvolved the intentions are to connect.
And if by any chance there is a sliver of a doubt, let the numbers speak their volumes. Let my good friend Mr. Tweet rule over these proceedings: http://mrtweet.com/chrisvoss
I rest my case.
And leave you with a thought….
Tweet everybody the way U would like to b tweeted. AND PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!
One more thing… you don’t have to be nice, you just have to stand your ground with integrity. That is the key ingredient. If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for just about anything.
I am Khayyam and I’m here all week… try my tweets.









