Real Friends VS Internet Friends

Hi, Diana.

Many angles to ponder here. I’m not as young as the guy in the video. To imagine a universe of only “Internet friends” is incomprehensible to me, but maybe not to my nieces and nephews. Those in their 30s, 40s, 50s or 60s most certainly blend the two.

In that demographic, those Internet friends are family, coworkers (employees, superiors and colleagues), professional connections outside of work, people we have a beer with on occasion, or all of the above. And yes, pen pals – people we’ve not yet met in person, but find interesting for a variety of reasons.

In short, our age group will generally find it challenging to answer. Another complication is how individuals use each channel. Some may be more guarded on Facebook and less so on Twitter, or vice versa. LinkedIn? If you’re not somewhat guarded there, that just seems to be irresponsible to me from a professional standpoint. Then must you consider blogs, or your own comments on others’ blogs.

People saying “I’m great,” or, “I’m fine,” exercise a solid social consideration, perhaps magnified online. “Thank you for asking, but you really don’t want to know my answer.”

Most of us have that filter as we pass each other in the halls in the morning, or when addressing our communities online. Twitter, in fact, has a bad rep among some non users precisely because some people on there (self included on rare occasions) give out more detail than is truly necessary.

I’m out here to join in conversations, make observations and crack the periodic joke. If I have something truly significant to say, I’ll either pick up the phone, send an e-mail or arrange for a face-to-face gathering.

Many real-life social conventions for adults also appear in our online relationships. Similarly, many of our online friends can include those we interact with regularly, in person. For myself, I guard myself more rigidly online as a rule.

Bottom line? To answer your question? It all depends on how you use social media and what conventions you apply to your own life each day.

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Diana this is another awesome article. I myself often get asked that question How are you? on Twitter or even on FB and as transparent I am I usually often enough say what I truly feel, either I’m ok, i’m happy, i’m tired or sad, I guess more often than not, i often got people DM’ing me and saying I tweet too much because I do try to answer as many people as I can.

Twitter and my other online friends are as important to me as friends I see offline. I guess my online life is very important to me too. I value each of the people I meet there. As I don’t treat them as avatars but as i often mention they are humans with the same feelings and interests that I have. Thanks to Twitter I have you as someone I know i can laugh with and be sad with. Great post Love it!

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Diana,

This is a thought-provoking article. I struggle with the on line off line thing too. I think that on line I can be direct with people and also choose to interact about what is important to me. That is an advantage. On line interactions are not as demanding as off line interactions. This is an advantage because I do my on line interactions when I am home and off work, and resting or recovering. I also do it to stimulate my brain, and for a sense of connection when I am home alone.

I think that different types of closeness are possible on line and off line. I think that on line interactions can replace off line ones, and that that is bad. There is a way that people in society have become less connected because of the availability of on line interactions.

I hope that by participating in on line interactions and meeting people there I can develop some significant relationships that will become more and more important, and possibly develop into true personal relationships someday, when I will be able to meet some people. I would like to be able to make the most of the relationships I develop with people that I never meet. I think that it’s possible to find out what purposes we have in common and to work together in powerful ways around them. This is a hope I have, and I hope that I won’t be disappointed with the time I invest. As we all know, time is limited, and I want to spend it doing things that will be truly fruitful.

I’ve chosen to remain anonymous because of privacy concerns. Just trying to be careful.

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Great article!
I have many online friends, probably more online than off line.. And in a lot of ways my online friends are closer to me as well. Probably because a lot of them share the same “geeky” interests I have and I’ve been very blessed to meet genuinely good people. That have my best interest at heart and vice versa.

Personally I do tend to say I’m fine or I’m good, sometimes I do say I’m tired or I’m feeling ill but I always give it a positive twist because that’s who I am..
And more often than notmy online friends & fellow tweeters make my day better, when I do have a bad day.

Anyway just wanted to let you know I enjoyed reading your article

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Thanks for the mention weirdo! Everything is fine!!

k.

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This is a very thought-provoking article.

Twitter is an amazing community of people where you can connect with people who have a common thread with you. It is a safe place where you can feel validated and expand your horizons in so many ways. For this, I can’t deny.

What I cherish about my “real” friends is the ability to connect with people and understand their ENTIRE range of emotions. Not just always being “fine” and maybe sharing data of similar interests. To me, having someone understand you in person and vice versa – and grapple with the issues you deal with on a daily basis is far more valuable.

I understand the lure of the Twitter universe. As for me, I’ve felt far more validated and inspired with my obsession with music – and have felt an entire world open up to me that I didn’t know was possible. We are all desperate to connect and to feel worthy and relevant. For this, I am very grateful and grateful to Diana Adams (@adamsconsulting) for introducing me to Twitter in the first place.

But the reality is that I need all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. I feel the most present when connecting with someone on important issues and also uninportant issues, too.

So, my answer is that I will take them both! All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly.

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Interesting what you say about offline vs online friends. I do agree that we often end up getting much closer to online friends we have never personally met, and may never do, than those we know in person. My in-the-flesh friends all live quite a distant away now, in different towns or countries, and we only occasionally catch up by email.

Only a few of them are actually into Facebook or Twitter, so, in a way, they are following my life less closely than those who are always listening online. On the other hand, I too don’t reveal on the web every time I have a row with my husband, or I am so depressed about something I am almost suicidal. I would probably say “I’m fine.” too but maybe DM them (if I feel close to them) and say, “actually, I’m feeling s**t.” lol

Thanks for a great thought-provoking post, Diana.

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Nice post Diana … Life is full of so many expectations and demands, and the reception at the Twitter table tends usually to be a positive experience for me, so I continue to fill my cup. How many places can you freely fill your brain and find a way to bring back a smile so quickly? Thanks for all of your great posts.

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Hi Tootsie,
So nice to start my day reading more brilliance from you. I think I’m pretty honest – both IRL and in the SM space. If my day is crappy, I usually say it, one way or another. Not so surprising though – right? Probably a personality issue

I have many friendships both IRL and online and I cherish them all. Like you, some of my closest friends these days are friends I didn’t know at all before I dove into the world that is social media – and I thank my lucky stars for those amazing people (including you) on a daily basis.

Thx for another great post, D.

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[...] Real Friends VS Internet Friends « Bit Rebels [...]

Thanks for touching on a fascinating topic Diana. I think social media in general is asking us who do you want to be today? In real life as well as the web, we are each different persona and choose to present a different face depending on who we are interacting with. There can be loneliness in crowds if no-one notices you when you want them to but there can also be a comradery where people can show care and support (albeit with few real strings). This is life amplified – the cool thing is social media opens up a world of new relationships so there will be something special for everyone.

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Personally, I think the “how are you today” question is somewhat pointless. Allow me to explain…

If you ask how someone is then it’s, presumably, to initiate some sort of conversation? The problem is you only ever receive one of two answers: “i’m fine” or “i’m crap” (put bluntly). As you say, most people will give the former answer. Pointless question really because you’ve achieved nothing.

A better opener would be something like “hope you’re well today. What are you up to?” I don’t know why (i’m not a psychologist) but that line always stimulates a better conversation (for me at least).

Incidentally, I was told by a therapist, a couple years back, that when people say “I’m fine”, it generally means they’re not – for some reason they use the word ‘fine’ under that circumstance. I have to smile because she was right!

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Diana,
I will publicly say “I’m fine” on Twitter and may DM someone with whom I have a closer relationship (even though I’ve never met these people, there are some to whom I feel close) and we may share concerns or issues privately. I don’t believe in publicly airing my laundry, but I greatly appreciate Shelly, who is not afraid to be who she is (and I don’t think it’s a personality flaw!).

Mostly, though, I really AM fine or even better than fine! Also, it works for me – put on a happy face and I feel happier. As Tony said above “what do you want to be today?”

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I have a lot of internet friends too. I value them especially since I seem to have more contact with them (daily) vs real life friends. I usually connect with real life friends once a month if lucky. We are all so busy with or children and families, but 140 characters at a time is easy.

A lot of my internet friends and I have things in common just like my real life friends. We exchange information about raising our children, talk about our favorite bands and even inspire each other each day to be the best person one can be.

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Diana, I missed this back in October. What a good, honest post. I agree that the people you meet online can become as dear as folks in real life. I have formed some very tight friendships and the closest we’ve ever gotten IRL is a skype call. You and I don’t chat all the time, but the warmth and support that’s here makes you dear in my heart.

As for “I’m fine”… we don’t need to share everything with everyone. Boundaries are healthy. On the other hand, probably the best blog post I’ve ever written came out of telling the truth yesterday. The responses seem to say so. Thanks for being here and being so insightful and honest. I love ya!

Happy New Year!

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What a great post! I can honestly say that I say that I am one of those people who says “I’m great” even when I’m not. I reserve the “not so great” moments for those who can really handle them. Because I’m pretty transparent, people who have gotten to know me (and my social media friends probably know me MUCH better than anyone, because they see my heart and interact with me daily) pick up fairly quickly when things are not fine.

I love your openness and honesty, you inspire me to “keep it real” even more and let my less than sunny days show a little too.

PS – Thanks to @katjaib for sharing this post!

Love!
Staci

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I have a couple of people I met on twitter who I’d consider good friends. The transition from acquaintance to friend I think requires face to face contact.

When one of the people I follow on Twitter recently spent a couple of months in my town, I was delighted to get a chance to spend time with him.

I learned a lot more about who he was as a person in a single afternoon watching him interact with my children than I did in six months of swapping tweets.

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found this jewel of a post from a retweet from @amyoscar. i signed up for twitter long time ago, but was reluctant to be a part of it until 12/1/09 when i plunged right into a blog challenge, and oh, am i ever glad i did. on twitter, i have found my right people, my tribe. like you said, i feel much closer to my twitter tribe than i do people i see face-to-face. i’ve never had anybody on twitter ask me how i’m doing, though. huh.

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People often think that I am dumb or stupid that I trust my internet friends more than real friends. But in the reality i find my internet friends like Sharon Hayes, Diana, Misty and many others.. whom I trust more than real life friends.. cause they are always helpful and self-less, they never judged me for who i am or where i came from. In real life I have to go through these judgment everyday specially where I am now is not my home country.

So shoot me! LOL! Love em all ^_^

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I don’t find it hard to be honest and say you know what, I am having a shitty day. But most of the times I don’t bother explaining and just say ‘I’m great’, and what happens then is whatever reasons I have for feeling down seem to vaporize. By saying I’m great I am changing my attitude. Why not just let go and be happy? I may also be able to change someone else’s attitude. Shitty days, be gone

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Friends are friends, regardless of how they have met. Being online, we just have the chance to meet more amazing people than ever!

: )

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Yes, well, I’ve posted things like “My beloved dog just died” on Twitter and not one person said a word. So I think some Twitter users just block out anything negative. Or maybe they don’t know how to deal with “Internet Friends” who are not having a perfect day. In any event, I wouldn’t recommend turning to your Twitter flock for any kind of real emotional support. I have found it rather lacking in that quality myself.

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It’s one thing to be in a bad mood and not wanting to spread it to others, but there is nothing wrong with not being extremely happy all the time. Very few of us are. After all, we are alive. I have supported tweeters having rough days a hundred times and more, and they have me. Sharing and learning from experiences is one of the things that makes Twitter valuable to me. We all say we want tweeters to be ‘real’. The most important thing you can do is to be real yourself.

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Another great one, Diana! I think perhaps we get closer to our “internet” friends because we log on almost everyday. Whereas we might not see or talk to our “real” friends every single day. To me, a friend is a friend no matter where we met!

P.S. I’m starting to feel like a stalker from the amount of time I find myself spending here on BitRebels! Quit putting out such quality posts y’all! No, just kidding. Keep ‘em coming!

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You received some deep thoughts in the comments. And that means you’ve touched the heart and mind. Now that’s what it’s really all about. The Internets. That is.

Two hairy and crooked thumbs up, my friend.

How am I doing? I’m doing the doing.

Faithfully yours,
@hannibal666

Follow @hannibal666 to #enlightenment!
http://www.twitter.com/hannibal666

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Enlightenment: It is not the idiot that mistakes a silk scarf for toilet paper. It is the do nothing dressed up like a man of business or world traveler!

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I agree with most of this, I am now writing the truth about how I feel and what I am going thru, reason being is I get so much support which is what I need, I read inspiration from people I follow and these people are the ones who are helping me get thru my nightmare, it is amazing to me
that complete strangers have the best advice and huge hearts, I have learned from those who inspire twitter has saved my life I am not kidding, I love 99.99% of the people on here and I would never and have never gone to a chat room in my life, I feel like these people know what is happening in my life more then anyone I know, it has been such an amazing ride with my twitter friends, I would be so lost without these people.Kindly, ~janice

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I’m at a point in my life right now where my “real life” friend base is a little unstable. I’d recently made a big move from the west coast to Ontario, Canada. My west coast friends had all promised to keep in touch via telephone, internet, and visits… but I hardly hear from them anymore. I’ve had a lot of friends when I worked as a photographer, but once the job was gone, those friends disappeared as well. They all got busy being in relationships, or getting famous as celebrities and forgot all about little old me. My online friends on the other hand, have pretty much stayed steady on except for one major hiccup. I had a Group online called “The Roseman’s Group for Penpals and Swap”. It was an active and lively group until the internet group hosting company (which shall remain nameless here) suddenly decided to discontinue their groups option. We basically lost touch with each other overnight. I found myself in a vacuum for a while, but thankfully, with my “good looks” and obvious “charm”, I’m now able to rebuild a group of friends both online and off.
Great article, once again. Now I gotta go watch Jeopardy!

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I agree twitter is my happy place amd I also wrote about the topic sometime ago how close u can get with ur online friends , I also think as u get to know ur tweetfriend the ‘mask’ goes off u start saying more sharing more maybe not to the I’m in lil pieces but yes to a point where it feels gd to say I’m not that well knowing the person on the other side of the screen cares and means it when they say I’m sorry cheer up it will get better soon I find that comforting. And also try to b there for my friends and notice when someone doesn’t seems the same and I try DM or mention something to make sure they r indeed well as they claim. gd topic diana always nice reading from u … Yuyis

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Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I always learn so much from reading them. Thank you for opening your hearts and sharing with everyone. I’m very grateful for you all. xxoo

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